MY LIFE CERTAINLY ANSWERS THE QUESTION OF HIM PROTECTING A SINNER. I KNOW WITHOUT DOUBT THAT THERE WERE MANY, MANY OCCASIONS WHEN I SHOULD HAVE BEEN HORRIBLY HURT AND SOME CASES EVEN DEAD. IN HIS INFINITE PATIENCE, GRACE AND MERCY HE WATCHED AND WAITED FOR MY STUBBORNNESS TO LEAD ME TO MY LOWEST POINT.
1988 WAS NOT WHAT ONE WOULD CALL A GREAT YEAR PHYSICALLY FOR ME. SOME SAID I WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER OFF RIDING BULLS FOR A LIVING, BUT I JUST CHALKED IT UP TO ONE OF THOSE YEARS.
IT STARTED EARLY IN THE YEAR WHEN LEADING TWO HORSES BACK TO PASTURE ONE DECIDED TO LEAVE ME BEHIND AND JERKED THE ROPE OUT OF MY HAND. ROPE BURN WAS THE EXTENT OF THE INCIDENT UNTIL THE OTHER HORSE PANICKED AND TOOK OFF ALSO, HIS 30 FOOT LINE CINCHING AROUND MY WRIST. OFF WE WENT, ME BEING DRUG THROUGH 2 SIX FOOT PILES OF GRAVEL AND A 1/4 MILE AROUND A SAND EXERCISE TRACK.
MY FIRST THOUGHT WAS OF THE BRAND NEW LEVI JACKET I HAD JUST BOUGHT. YOU KNOW THE ONES WITH THE FLEECE LINING. I ALWAYS WANTED ONE AND HAD FINALLY GOTTEN IT THREE DAYS AGO. THEN I WENT TO THE THOUGHT OF DYING THE DEATH BY DRAGGING OF A VILLAIN IN AN AWFUL "B" WESTERN.
SUDDENLY HE STOPPED. JUST AS QUICKLY AS IT HAD STARTED, IT WAS OVER. HOW LUCKY, I THOUGHT, TO HAVE A BASICALLY LAZY HORSE. OR, WAS IT THE HAND OF GOD'S ANGEL GRABBING HOLD OF THE HALTER? AT ANY RATE, THE LEVI JACKET NOW LOOKED OLDER THAN MY 33 YEARS AND THAT REALLY IRRITATED ME! IT WAS HARD TO RATIONALIZE THAT HAD IT BEEN SUMMER MY HIDE WOULD BE LOOKING LIKE THAT JACKET.
THE SPRING HELD MANY PAINFUL DAYS. BEING DUMPED IN THE PARKING LOT OF A SHOW BY MY OLD BROKE SHOW HORSE, WHO HAD SEEN AND DONE EVERYTHING, BEING THE MOST EMBARRASSING. PRIDE TAKES MUCH LONGER TO HEAL I'VE FOUND OUT.
ABUNDANT NEAR MISSES OVER JUMPS THAT PROBABLY WOULD HAVE BEEN MUCH LESS PAINFUL IF I HAD JUST FALLEN. ANY AND ALL MUSCLES THAT COULD BE PULLED, I PULLED TRYING TO STAY ON.
MAY BROUGHT THE LAST FOAL OF THE SEASON. THE MARE PROLAPSED 12 HOURS AFTER DELIVERY AND HAD TO BE PUT TO SLEEP, WHICH LEFT US WITH AN ORPHAN TO RAISE.
IN JUNE THE GELDING THAT HAD TAKEN ME "SKIING" EARLIER IN THE YEAR WAS NOW GOING TO REDEEM HIMSELF. HE ASSUMED THE ROLE OF MOTHER TO THAT LITTLE FILLY AND SHE FOLLOWED HIM EVERYWHERE, WATCHING EVERYTHING HE DID. EXCEPT THE DAY SHE NOTICED SOME OTHER HORSES IN A PASTURE NEXT TO THE EXERCISE TRACK. IT UPSET HIM TO NO END THAT SHE WOULDN'T PAY ATTENTION TO HIS NICKERING. THE IDEA THAT SHE MIGHT GET INTO TROUBLE WAS MORE THAN HE COULD BARE. REARING UP AND THEN KICKING OUT PLACED HIS HOOF JUST TO THE RIGHT OF MY RIGHT EYE AND SPLIT MY CHEEK OPEN.
IT'S TRUE WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT SEEING STARS. THERE WERE PLENTY OF THEM TO SEE, TOO. I BELIEVE I WAS SHOUTING SOMETHING ABOUT HIM BECOMING DOG FOOD AS ONE OF MY EMPLOYEES HAULED ME OFF TO THE NOW ALL TOO FAMILIAR EMERGENCY ROOM.
SITTING ON THE TABLE WAITING FOR THE LOCAL TO TAKE EFFECT AND THE 6 STITCHES TO BE PUT IN, A THOUGHT CAME TO ME. WASN'T IT LUCKY THAT YESTERDAY I HAD DECIDED TO TAKE HIS SHOES OFF TWO WEEKS EARLY AND LET HIM GO BAREFOOT FOR A WHILE? I WAS USUALLY TOO CHEAP TO DO THAT. WHAT IF THAT EXTRA INCH WITH STEEL HAD BEEN THERE? OR, DID GOD PUT THAT IDEA IN MY HEAD KNOWING WHAT TROUBLE I WAS GOING TO GET MYSELF INTO TODAY?
I HAD TO AGREE WITH THE DOCTOR THAT A 1/4 INCH TOWARD THE EYE AND I WOULD HAVE LOST MY SIGHT AND 1/4 INCH FARTHER UP, A BLOW TO THE TEMPLE WOULD HAVE---WELL, I WON'T THINK ABOUT THAT. THANK GOODNESS FOR STRONG CHEEK BONES AND DARK GLASSES TO HIDE THE BLACK EYE.
WHY IS IT THAT SOME OF US ARE JUST PLAIN BULLHEADED?
JULY WAS COMING UP AND GOD WAS ABOUT TO RUN OUT OF PATIENCE. I HAD SOMEHOW MISSED ALL HIS COMMUNICATIONS WITH ME. I WAS DRAWN BY THE IDEA THAT MAYBE HE HAD A HAND IN MAKING THINGS A WHOLE LOT BETTER THAN THEY SHOULD HAVE BEEN. BUT... I WAS "BUSY", THERE WAS A SHOW ON SUNDAY.
I NEVER MADE IT TO THAT SHOW. IN FACT IT WOULD BE ALMOST A YEAR BEFORE MY NEXT ONE AND SHOWING WOULD NEVER HAVE THE SAME FEEL AGAIN.
JULY IN THE SAN JOAQUIN VALLEY OF CALIFORNIA IS NOT PLEASANT. HIGH 90'S TO 110 ARE NOT UNUSUAL AT ALL AND YOU TRY TO GET YOUR WORK DONE EITHER VERY EARLY IN THE DAY OR VERY LATE.
IT WAS LATE MORNING AND I HAD JUST FINISHED EXERCISING A TWO YEAR OLD FILLY. SHE WAS HOT AND TIRED AND WE WERE BOTH READY TO QUIT FOR THE DAY. BRINGING HER THROUGH THE GATE, SHE STARTED TO PANIC AS SHE WENT BY SOME NEW METAL ROOFING WE HAD STACKED BY THE ARENA. I KNEW SHE WAS GOING TO BOLT AND WAS JUST GOING TO LET HER GO PAST ME AND THEN BRING HER BACK AROUND. SHE HAD OTHER PLANS AND APPARENTLY FELT IT WAS MUCH SAFER TO BE IN THE EXACT SPOT I WAS IN. I KEPT BACKING UP TO GET OUT OF HER WAY, BUT SHE WOULDN'T GO AROUND ME. I'VE NEVER BEEN ABLE TO BACK UP VERY FAST FOR VERY LONG AND THE INEVITABLE CAUGHT UP WITH ME.
WHILE FALLING BACKWARDS, (I HAVE TO GO ON THE WITNESSES' ACCOUNT OF THIS AS I ONLY REMEMBER BITS AND PIECES) HER KNEE NAILED ME UNDER MY CHIN AND SNAPPED MY HEAD BACK. THEY TELL ME THAT BY THE SOUND OF MY NECK AND THE WAY I WENT LIMP THEY WERE SURE I WAS DEAD, BUT I REMEMBER HITTING MY REAR END ON THE GROUND SO EXTREMELY HARD AND THINKING THAT MY HEAD WAS GOING TO HIT JUST AS HARD AND THERE WAS NOT ONE THING I COULD DO TO STOP IT. THAT BLOW KNOCKED ME OUT AND SHE PROCEEDED TO RUN OVER THE TOP OF ME.
THEY SAY I WAS OUT ABOUT 15 MINUTES. WHEN I CAME TO I WANTED TO KNOW IF THE FILLY WAS ALRIGHT AND WONDERED WHY EVERYONE WAS LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT. THE HOT SUN WAS STARTING TO TAKE ITS TOLL AND THEY ASKED IF I COULD GET UP TO GET IN THE SHADE.
NOT A PROBLEM I THOUGHT, I FELT FINE. THEY ASKED ME AGAIN. NOT A PROBLEM, I FELT FINE. MY BRAIN WAS TELLING MY BODY TO MOVE, BUT MY ARMS AND LEGS WEREN'T RESPONDING. I WAS BEGINNING TO REALIZE WHY I FELT FINE. THE FACT WAS, I DIDN'T FEEL ANYTHING. I WAS PARALYZED FROM THE NECK DOWN.
I WAS NOW FINALLY A CAPTIVE AUDIENCE FOR GOD. THE DEVIL SMELLED THE SCENT OF DEATH AND WAS ALSO ON THE SCENE. THE BATTLE FOR MY SOUL WAS ABOUT TO BEGIN AND IT'S AS FRESH TODAY AS IT WAS THAT DAY IN 1988.
THE DEVIL HAD A LONG LIST OF ALL THE THINGS I ENJOYED DOING. "YOU MIGHT AS WELL GIVE UP AND DIE", HE SAID. "YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO BREATHE MUCH LONGER IN THIS CONDITION. IF THEY SHOULD GET YOU TO HELP IN TIME, A MACHINE WILL BREATHE FOR YOU AS LONG AS YOU LIVE. YOU'LL HAVE TO EAT THROUGH A TUBE. YOU'LL NEVER RIDE AGAIN, NEVER WALK AGAIN, NEVER DO ANY OF YOUR CRAFTS AGAIN, NEVER PICK YOUR VEGETABLES AGAIN, NEVER PET YOUR ANIMALS AGAIN, NEVER DRIVE YOUR TRUCK AGAIN, YOU'LL BARELY BE ABLE TO TALK, YOU MIGHT USE YOUR COMPUTER--WITH A STICK IN YOUR MOUTH. YOU WILL NEVER, EVER BE ABLE TO DO ANYTHING FOR YOURSELF AGAIN. YOUR LUCK HAS JUST RUN OUT."
I REMEMBER THINKING HE WAS RIGHT. ALL THOSE "LUCKY" OUTCOMES. I'D CASHED THEM ALL IN. THERE WEREN'T ANY LUCKY DAYS LEFT. GOD'S HAND OF PROTECTION HAD BEEN REMOVED AND THE ANGUISH OF HIS LACK OF PRESENCE HIT ME HARD.
I TOLD EVERYONE I COULDN'T MOVE, SOMETHING WAS VERY WRONG. I WANTED TO DIE. IF I CAN'T DO THE THINGS I ENJOYED, THERE WAS NO POINT.
THEY TRIED TO ENCOURAGE AND COMFORT ME.
I BEGGED THEM TO "PUT ME DOWN". A TERM WE USE WHEN PUTTING AN ANIMAL TO SLEEP. "IT'S JUST THE BLOW TO THE HEAD", THEY REMARKED.
THE DEVIL STARTED IN AGAIN WITH HIS LIST AND IT WAS, AS HE SAID, STARTING TO GET HARD TO BREATHE. THE MUSCLES IN MY DIAPHRAGM WERE FAILING.
THEN I CRIED OUT THE WORDS GOD HAD BEEN WAITING 33 YEARS TO HEAR.
"GOD, PLEASE HELP ME!"
IT WAS SO SIMPLE. THAT WAS ALL HE NEEDED TO HEAR. HE COULDN'T DO ANYTHING UNTIL THEY WERE SAID. NOW, THEY WERE SAID AND HE COULD GO TO WORK.
AN INTENSE BURNING STARTED AT THE BASE OF MY NECK. I WAS TRYING TO TELL SOMEONE, ANYONE, THAT SOMETHING WAS BURNING MY NECK. I THOUGHT IT WAS A PIECE OF METAL OR A ROCK THAT HAD HEATED IN THE 100 + TEMPERATURE. THEY KEEP FEELING UNDER MY NECK, BUT NOTHING WAS THERE. I INSISTED THAT THERE WAS, THEY INSISTED THERE WASN'T. HOW CRUEL, I THOUGHT. THEY KNOW I CAN'T MOVE, YET THEY ARE LETTING THIS WHATEVER BURN ME.
THE BURNING BROUGHT TEARS TO MY EYES AND I NOW HAVE A MUCH GREATER APPRECIATION FOR COWS BEING BRANDED. IN A WAY, I GUESS THAT WAS WHAT HAPPENED. I WAS BEING BRANDED AND NOW WOULD BELONG TO JESUS.
WHY DOES TIME ALWAYS GO SO SLOW DURING TRAUMATIC TIMES? IN REALITY IT WAS ONLY MINUTES BEFORE THE BURNING STARTED TO SUBSIDE. HE HAD ANSWERED MY CRIES FOR HELP, ANOTHER CHANCE, ANOTHER LUCKY---NO! NO MORE LUCKY DAYS, ONLY ONES BLESSED AND ORCHESTRATED BY GOD HIMSELF.
I WISH I COULD SAY I JUMPED UP AND RAN AROUND THE TRACK, BUT I CAN'T. GOD KNEW ME TOO WELL I'M AFRAID. I BELIEVE A TIGHT REIN HAD TO BE KEPT ON THIS ONE FOR A WHILE AND THERE WOULD BE MANY DAYS NOT REMEMBERED, MANY SPENT ONLY ABLE TO SIT AND THINK. WHO CARES! MY ARMS AND LEGS WORK AGAIN!
THE LIGAMENTS IN MY NECK WERE TORN, WHIPLASH COMPARABLE TO HITTING A BRICK WALL GOING 65 MILES PER HOUR THE CHIROPRACTOR SAID. IT HAD JARRED MY EYES SO BADLY I COULDN'T WEAR MY CONTACTS FOR THREE WEEKS, EVERYTHING WAS TOO BLURRY. IT'S FUNNY, I DON'T NEED THEM AT ALL NOW. SEVERE HEADACHES WERE COMMON AS MY NECK MUSCLES TRIED TO DO ALL THE WORK. MY CHIN WAS PLENTY SORE AND I HAD THE MOST BEAUTIFUL HOOF PRINTS ON MY LEGS, ABDOMEN, CHEST AND ARMS. ALL THAT SHOULD HAVE BROKEN BONES AND CRUSHED ORGANS, BUT GOD'S HAND WASN'T AS FAR REMOVED AS I HAD THOUGHT. HE HADN'T LEFT ME AFTER ALL.
IT WOULD BE 8 MONTHS OF RECUPERATION AND INTROSPECTION. I DON'T REMEMBER MUCH ABOUT JULY, AUGUST OR HALF OF SEPTEMBER. I HAVE TO ADMIT, IF YOU'RE GOING TO LOSE SOME MONTHS IN THE VALLEY, THOSE ARE ABOUT THE BEST. WHEN I WAS ABLE TO CONCENTRATE AGAIN, THE DESIRE TO LEARN MORE ABOUT SHEEP WAS STRONG. ALL THE BOOKS I COULD FIND, I READ. IN FEBRUARY OF 1989, AT ALMOST 90 % OF MY OLD SELF, I BOUGHT MY STARTER FLOCK. IT WOULD BE YEARS BEFORE I WOULD FULLY UNDERSTAND WHY THAT DESIRE WOULD BE PLACED IN ME. NOW, THE BULK OF MY MINISTRY IS BASED ON THE PERSPECTIVE OF THE SHEPHERD AND THE REASON BECOMES MORE INTENSE WITH EACH NEW REVELATION.